She was already a master of making armor but this time was different. Instead of building shields and force fields around herself and others, she wants to build a bridge, and she wants to use her heart. Not her whole heart, she thought, just the broken pieces because those are actually the strongest. Then, the real work begins as the best way to strengthen the rest of the heart so that it can continue to work is to give it plenty of exercise, and the recommended workout is to lift the spirits of others as often as you can without motive. Do as many reps as you like, daily.
The kettle whistles, steam billows out angrily as it sends a message. It is time, the kettle says. It is time.
Pouring a cup of tea, closing her eyes, breathing in the scent of chamomile, mint, and burdock root, helps to reset her thoughts. Quiet moments like this allow the thoughts to settle in and the process of making some kind of sense out of life. Things become a little clearer. Clarity brings with it the hardness of truth and also the knowledge that circumstances presented to you cannot be changed. It is in our reactions and actions to these events or circumstances that will measure who we really are or who you are to become as a person.
When you choose to say things in the name of love yet do things with hate in your heart your words become worthless. What you choose to do & how you choose to spend these seconds, minutes, hours, & days, will be the determination of how rich your life will be. Don’t spend these potentially beautiful moments doing ugly things. Your time is the real currency of life. This payment is non-negotiable and automatically withdrawn instantaneously! We trade our time for money, we trade our time for experiences, we trade our time for the presence of people, we trade each and every breath on this planet for goods, whether measurable or not. Also, take very special note – time will always take your payment but you will never ever get back change. Like, Ever.
Four weeks and two days ago she got into her car and drove to a hospital two states away to support the care of a man who she had not spoken to in two and a half years.“I think Dad had another heart attack, he’s calling 911”, her brother said on the phone to her that morning. This would have been his fourth heart attack. “He sent Mom away and is going alone, I think this may be it.” With sleep filled eyes and foggy brain, she had to process the decisions that had to be made. What is to be done in this moment cannot be undone. The magnitude weighs on her for a minute as she is flooded with so much hurt, so much disappointment, too many good memories overwritten by bad ones.
Thankfully her spirit was somehow still intact. Her well of love was actually quite full. Even though the past several years were void of parental love or a complete family connection, she filled every empty space with the abundance of love from her loves and her work, making sure to pluck the strings of every relationship that she encountered. Effortless in her desire to extract and bring to the surface for her clients the tangibility of unconditional closeness and connection with their families and friends. She shined spotlights on and shoved into their faces simple and also substantial moments because of the mere fact that these seemingly ordinary life moments or memories are not afforded to all of us.
Now, while peacefully laying in bed, she had to ponder the answer to a few of the most important questions thus far in her life. Is it more important for her to be right or for her to be happy? Would unifying her family bring the opportunity for the reconciliation and happiness that was missing from her?. Who are you in the dark moments? Will you live the life that you preach or will all of those positive words amount to nothing but a huge pile of social media shit built for consumption not practice?
Sometimes your heart will break and you feel broken beyond repair but it was not meant to be fixed in that moment, for a reason. Sometimes your heart has to break open with such force that you can actually let love back in. This is a case of the latter.
The answers are simple. It is never more important to be right than to be happy. Of course making any effort to unify brings opportunities but only mutual reactions can determine reconciliation. It is always more important to love more. We create everlasting impact by choosing kindness and compassion. Do what makes your heart happy.
It was time, time to get dressed, time to go, time to love – no matter what. It was time to put heart before ego.
… to be continued.
The i-Ching of Ching-i